And You Thought Your Parents Were Embarrassing?

This is not a joke. My father actually wrote this letter to Oprah. What blows my mind even more is that he forwarded it on to me thinking I'd be thrilled.

Dear Oprah,

Alert ! Katie Killacky considers a return to Chicago!!

My daughter, Katie Killacky, is a theatre graduate of the University of Illinois Champaign. She has been living in Los Angeles for the past 8 years. She is a former Miss Southern California and a runner-up for Miss Illinois in the Miss America pageant. She has done acting, modeling, commercials, game shows. She currently works for a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. She is still single and I (dad) want her to meet a great guy who lives in the midwest. Katie is considering returning to Chicago to restart her theatre career. I would like Katie to be a guest on your Chicago television show and have her seek advice from Oprah on whether to move back home to CHICAGOPRAH!

Thank you for your consideration in this matter,

Keith Killacky

Downers Grove, Il.

Katie writes a blog:

You're Ruining My Life!!! (and other things I wish I hadn't said to my mother)

Now that I'm in my thirties, I'm beginning to realize that all those times I thought my mother was trying to ruin my life, she was really just trying to stop me from doing a fine job of ruining it all on my own.

My followup email to Oprah:


Dear Oprah ( or underpaid production assistant probably reading this insanity as I doubt Oprah has the time),


I wish I had really good excuse like "my father is suffering from early stages of dementia" or "I lost a bet" or "my dad's a drunk". Unfortunately, this is just the sort of thing my father does and has done my entire life. I realize that every accolade he stated happened about ten years ago and that there are only 23 followers on my blog he mentioned, but my cross to bare is that my dear father thinks everything I do is gold.


While I'm completely aware that an Oprah episode based around my potential move to Chicago, and apparent "still single" status, would not take up an hour show or even a 45 second blurb, I think it's adorable that he finds me that wildly entertaining. Deep down, I think it's he who wants to be on your show so if you happen to run a segment anytime in the near future on overbearing stage dads who are desperate to get their daughters married off, know that he would make an ideal guest.


On a side note, while this sort of thing used to embarrass me growing up, I now find myself feeling pretty lucky that he thinks I'm that great. He's pretty great himself.


Warmly,


Katie


My follow up email to my dad:


Dear Dad (or whichever one of your 8 crazy personalties I should be addressing at this moment),


If it walks like a lunatic and talks like a lunatic...guess what?


Have you lost your ever loving mind? If you want me to move home that bad you're doing a really good job because I'm about to get on a plane and come to either A) Smack some sense into you B) Take you to get your mental faculties checked out or C) help you put down the booze.


Oh, and the next time you want me to write a blog about you, just ask. Because I have a pretty good feeling Oprah doesn't care...but I love that you do.


Love you,
Kate